Thursday, January 19, 2017

 Trump meets with Top US Scientists:                     

 WikiLeekZ                                                    
                                                  
                       Satire Is Our Game, WikiLeekZ Is Our Name”


January 9, 2017


WikiLeekZ learned the...

Today, at the urging of VP Elect Pence and possible Cabinet member Ben Carson, Donald Trump and a selected group of his advisers met with scientists from NOAA, the National Science Foundation and NASA to discuss Trump and Pence's scientific theories. Scott Pruitt, climate change denier will join Trump’s ‘science’ team as well. 

PEOTUS wants to be sure that the assembled ‘so-called’scientists understand that the Earth is really flat, global climate change is a Huge Chinese hoax and that the Sun continues to revolve around the Earth. To bolster Trump's arguments, he brought the majority owner of the Supermarket Rack Journal of Science, the Breitbart News editor-in-chief of the Rumors, Conspiracies and Faux News section and lastly, the new weather person/ Miss Teen Tractor Pull for KRAZ TV, OKC.

Pence and Carson are particularly interested in being sure that the scientists understand and are wholeheartedly in agreement with their premise that the Earth is about 6,000-10,000 (give or take) years old and that dinosaurs and humans roamed the Earth at the same time. Pence has secured the Creationist expert, Ken Hamm, the developer of the Noah's Ark theme park in Kentucky to bolster their argument.

The meeting was held in a Trump Tower and, according to Trump, lasted as long as necessary...which wasn't very long because his expert team very quickly deemed the scientists ignorant and unwilling to take into consideration any of Trump's panel of ‘expert ’assertions. As an example of the small mindedness of the assembled scientists, Trump cited the unassailable fact that it was presently snowing in NYC in the face of the global warming claims of the scientists. "Duh", Trump exclaimed. "Case closed".

Trump was in the process of explaining to the assembled press corps that the scientist present at the meeting would all be fired for gross incompetence...when he was interrupted by an aide who whispered to Trump that all of the scientists had already resigned en masse and were now making snowballs and would soon invade the lobby. A cheer arose from some of the members of the press; other reporters were silent in hopes of gaining an interview with Mr Trump and having a chance for a selfie with Trump.

A sizable number of scientists from institutions such as Cal, MIT, Stanford and Cal Tech said that they would be examining the possibility of the validity of Trump's theories. Coincidentally, these same scientists have research grants under review by incoming Trump Administration appointees in February 2017. The research scientists’ spokesman, without even a slight hint of irony, declared that the two events are not in any way related. Subsequently, 100% of these same scientists used Twitter to back up the spokesman's statements.

"The heavens revolve daily and, immense as is their fabric and inconceivable the rapidity of their revolutions, we experience no concussion.... How could the earth hang suspended in the air were it not upheld by God's hand? By what means could it maintain itself unmoved, while the heavens above are in constant rapid motion, did not its Divine Maker fix and establish it”…Tolosani (16th C Dominican Theologian-Astronomer) in refutation of Copernicus.

Zeny



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Satire Is Our Game, WikiLeekZ Is Our Name”


January 18, 2019

Purloined copy of Trump’s Inauguration Speech (rough working draft):

WikiLeekZ has surreptitiously obtained a copy of the major points of the first working draft of Trump’s upcoming Inaugural Speech. Again, our ‘reporter’ in the guise of a cleaning person in Trump Tower found this carbon copy in the waste basket after office hours.
In reviewing the draft, it occurred to WikiLeekZ that Trump and Melania’s speech writer, Meredith McIver, have lifted famous, well-known passages from inaugural speeches of a number of past presidents as a basis of his speech. Original presidential passages are in Italics. Trump’s plagiarized versions follow.


Draft………..
"This great nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."     – Franklin D. Roosevelt, March 4, 1933.
"This great nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper and I’ll Make America Great Again. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only things I have to fear are: Alec Baldwin; Meryl Streep; the CIA, NSA & FBI; satirical writings, Bruce Springsteen, CNN & MSNBC, outtakes of the Apprentice, recordings from the Moscow Ritz Carlton and Rosie O’Donnell. Losers All. Overrated and in the cases of the TV stations, very low in ratings. Sad. So Sad.
                                                                                        ****
"With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds."                      – Abraham Lincoln, March 4, 1865.
“With malice toward those who opposed me, with harsh immigration vetting for all Muslims and 
Mexicans, vacillating between evil and bad, as God has given me the droit des rois, let us strive on
 to finish off my enemies and to wound our opponents”
 
                                                                          ****                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  ****
 
"My fellow Americans: Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: Ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man." John F Kennedy
My subject angry white, out of work voters: Ask not what I can do for you-ask what you can do for me. My fellow nationalist citizens of Russia, Great Britain, France, Italy, Belgium, Holland and others: Ask not what I can do for you, but what, together, you can do for Ivanka, Barron, Eric and Don Jr.”
                                                                  ****
"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.”                                        – Ronald Reagan, Jan. 20, 1981.
"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; I am the Final solution”.

                                                              ****

“There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America."– Bill Clinton, Jan. 20, 1993.
 “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by that which only I can fix when I get into power in America."
                                                            ****


 “But every difference of opinion is not a difference of principle. We have called by different names brethren of the same principle. We are all Republicans, we are all Federalists.” THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1801

“But every difference of opinion is certainly a difference in understanding of my unique principles. We have called by different names brethren of the same principle. We are all citizens some are Trumpians the rest are the Others, and surely, we are not all equal citizens

                                                            ****
 “Justice requires us to remember that when any citizen denies his fellow, saying, ‘His color is not mine,’ or ‘His beliefs are strange and different,’ in that moment he betrays America, though his forebears created this nation.” LYNDON B. JOHNSON, 1965
I, Donald J Trump, henceforth require all to remember that when any citizen denies his fellow, saying, ‘His color is not mine,’ or ‘His beliefs are strange and different,’ in that moment he proclaims his true love of America, because everyone knows that his white male forebears created this nation.”
                                                            ****
 “So it is the policy of the United States to seek and support the growth of democratic movements and institutions in every nation and culture, with the ultimate goal of ending tyranny in our world.”. GEORGE W. BUSH, 2005
“So it is the policy of the United States to seek and support the growth of nationalistic, atavistic movements and institutions in every nation and culture, with the ultimate goal of ending freedom and democracy in our world”.

                                                            ****
“Our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions — that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.” BARACK OBAMA, 2009

 “Our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions — that time has surely just begun. You won’t believe what I have in store for you. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin the work of remaking America in the image of Trump, Breitbart, WorldNetDaily, V Putin, Nigel LaFarge and Marie Le Pen.”      
                                                            ****
“My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over”. Gerald Ford 1974, on succeeding the disgraced Richard Nixon

“My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is just beginning. You ain’t seen nothing yet”.
Zeny





Monday, January 16, 2017

WikiLeekZ


Satire Is Our Game, WikiLeekZ Is Our Name”

January 14, 2017
WikiLeekZ Editorial:
Golden Showers, What’s the Big deal?


Okay, granted that having, watching, receiving, etc. Golden Showers is probably embarrassing to Trump and would be to most of us. On the other hand, Trump would have support rained upon him from the Golden Shower crowd. 

Who among us has not stayed in the Presidential Suite of the Moscow Ritz Carlton, had our taxi driver or hotel concierge arrange for 3 comely, statuesque Russian beauties to come up to our rooms and have a little wet fun? I imagine that almost everyone has served Cristal Champagne and fruit juices to beautiful women (or men) as the case may be, and watched while they pissed all over each other and drizzled yellow onto our tiny hands? If we have not been so fortunate, surely, we have wished to have the refreshing experience, good to the last drop, right?

To be honest, by now, who really cares? Nothing he does seems to astonish the populace any longer. Maybe a few ‘germaphobes’ as Trump says he is, or some hypocritical political figures who have already lost their honor and dignity during the election campaign will issue phony tsk tsks.

Trump may want to consider bringing out the video he surely made of the event and distribute it worldwide so that he could be declared the winner of the most watched TV event in the history of man and maybe pick up an Emmy in the process. The televised event would be bigger than the last episode of Mash or Dallas, the funeral of Princess Diana, the wedding of Diana and Charles, the FIFA World Cup Finals and the Super Bowl. It would be HUGE, perhaps bigger than all combined. 

Accolades would be showered upon him from the entertainment industry and TV rights money would pour into his coffers. People would pay to watch beautiful young women pissing on Trump; Pay Per View proceeds would be Bigly. Thousands would line up, even in the pouring rain, to audition for the chance to pee on Trump in sure-to-be-made sequels. They might even work without pay or royalties; there might even be bidding for the leading parts.

Trump might have inaugurated a trend…the Golden (Shower) Age of Trumpian Politics.

No one seems care about the other sections of the dossier…the passages that suggest that his staff may have colluded with (or been blackmailed by) Russian officials in an exchange for  Trump’s acquiescence to Russian takeover of Crimea and its covert military involvement in Ukraine (see WikiLeekZ Trump/Russia exposé)

But peeing on someone may, ironically, be his downfall…after a life of pissing on others and societies’ standards of common, decent behavior; he could be hounded out of office by an odd, but relatively innocent personal preference and a feeling of personal entitlement. Sad, so Sad.

Zeny


WikiLeekZ
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Satire Is Our Game, WikiLeekZ Is Our Name”

January 16, 2017
WikiLeekZ Silicon Valley Exclusive:
Donald Trump withdraws Cabinet nominees in favor of replacements…

WikiLeekZ has learned from our well-placed Silicon Valley ‘reporter’ that the President-Elect, Donald J Trump, will ask all of his Cabinet nominees to step down, with plans to replace them all with two entities.

In NYC, Trump met secretly yesterday with Amazon head Jeff Bezos and Eric Schmidt of Alphabet to discuss new Cabinet nominees. Five days after the meeting, Bezos and Schmidt will make a joint statement which will read:

Recently, we met the President-Elect and his son, Barron, who Mr Trump says knows a lot about computers, in order to plot a Brave New World for the United States and, ultimately, the world. As many of you know, we, in Silicon Valley, have had serious, huge reservations about the fitness of Mr Trump to manage an enterprise as gigantic as the United States of America. He simply does not know what he doesn’t know. We (Bezos and Schmidt) have proposed a solution to this problem and save time and money for the government (at the same time, assuring a substantial income stream flowing into our two companies).

Starting on Day One, January 21, 2017, all Cabinet level offices and their employees will be closed. To compensate for the loss of so much experience and brain power, new models of Amazon Echo and Google Home will be installed…necessitating only one employee per office building. The newly named Big Pal and Big Friend computers will answer all questions, solve all problems and will not steal office supplies such as paper clips and Sharpies. No more HR problems.

President Trump will have mega versions of these 2 machines, Big Brother Eric and Big Brother Don Jr, installed in the Oval Office to be operated by Barron who will be given a 2 day tutorial and a Big Brother for Dummies book. BBE will deal with domestic problems and BBD will take care of foreign and defense matters. These instruments will be mobily connected in order to enable the President to play golf or take showers and at the same time, solve issues such as Crimea, nuclear warfare, health care and the Middle East question.

But, WikiLeekZ has also learned that the really big news is that, without Trump’s knowledge, Amazon and Alphabet will have direct access to both BBE and BBD. These two companies have assembled a staff of 1,267 experts to serve each of these devices. When Trump asks a question or asks for advice, the assembled teams, who have gamed out 7866 scenarios, will provide Trump with their recommendation.

Oh, one other thing. Contrary to popular understanding and unlike (so they say) current home models of Echo and Google Home, BBD and BBE will be recording visually and with audio, everything that transpires in the oval office. In addition, the two companies, in concert, are currently working on a mobile device that follows the president and accomplishes the same recordings as BBD and BBE in the Oval Office.

Rosemary Woods is now rolling over in her grave, with glee.

Zeny



Friday, January 13, 2017

WikiLeekZ
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January 13, 2017 Friday the 13th
WikiLeekZ Hollywood Exclusive:
Elvis, Sinatra and Michael Jackson to perform at Trump’s Inauguration

According to our Hollywood ‘reporter’, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra and Michael Jackson are scheduled to perform with Jackie Evancho and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir on January 20 , 2017 at PEOTUS Donald J Trump’s Inauguration Ceremony in Washington DC.

It had been a shattering blow to the ego and a setback of personal pride to Mr Trump because no entertainer of stature has agreed to perform at His inauguration, the most important ceremony in the lifetime, to date, of Mr Trump.

It has been rumored that prizes such as Ambassadorships, secrets of his Hair Stylist and Cabinet Posts have been offered to anyone who could ink an entertainer a notch above Scott Baio. However, Mr Trump, upon reading reports of the secured lineup, gave his tacit approval and wanted to telephone the 3 entertainers immediately. An aide suggested that the time was not appropriate.

When first reported, we at WikiLeekZ were somewhat skeptical of the proposed lineup, for obvious reasons…who would want to watch Ms Evancho perform anywhere? And secondly, we can watch the Mormon Tabernacle Choir any Sunday on television.

As for Elvis, Frank and Michael, WikiLeekZ was to some extent, incredulous because Frank, except for a momentary lapse, had been a lifelong Democrat. Additionally, it would be unusual for Trump’s Bible Belt supporters to countenance a well-known drug user and a probable child abuser being on the same stage as the pure-in heart, pristine Mr Trump.

According to our ‘reporter’, Miss Evancho will sing 3 songs as the crowd files in to the viewing area. After the arrival of all of the dignitaries, The Holographic Image of Mr Sinatra will kick off the ceremony with “My Way”, Elvis’s Holographic Image will sing a rousing rendition of “Jail House Rock” and Michael’s Holographic Image’s “Dangerous” will cap off the first part of the program. Frank, Elvis and Michael will not stay for the remainder of the ceremony.

The Mormon tabernacle Choir will sing their version of “All Come All Ye Faithful” ending the entertainment program.

The Trump Inaugural Committee is still working on getting the performers Al Jolson, Sarah Bernhardt and Tupac Shakur to be a part of the celebration.

Zeny



Tuesday, January 10, 2017

WikiLeekZ
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Satire Is Our Game, WikiLeekZ Is Our Name”

January 10, 2017                                                                                                                                                           9 pm West Coast Time                                                                                                         Trump/Putin to Make Joint Announcement:

As our readers have learned from the last post, Russia does indeed have the goods on Trump.

WikiLeekZ has learned that President-Elect Donald Trump and President Vladimir Putin will soon make simultaneous announcements from the Kremlin in Moscow and Trump Tower in NYC. According to a joint communique, both men will announce that they are moving on in their personal lives. President Putin began his life change by divorcing his wife Lyudmila Putina in 2014 and Mr Trump will file divorce papers from Melania within one week. Mr Trump explained it this way; “there was no way I could have been elected President of the US without a wife.  I just followed Vlad’s example who waited until his election was assured and then divorced Lyudmila”.

Trump’s statement continued by saying that he and Vlad will be getting married in San Francisco, California as soon as his divorce is final, which should be a few weeks after his inauguration. He explained by saying that he and the Russian President have been planning their marriage for about 18 months culminating in the plan to become the biggest Power Couple the world has ever seen. “No one has ever seen anything like this”, he continued. “It’s huge. We have contracts from 47 networks worldwide and that will be the beginning of the Donnie and Vlad “Reality Is Strange” TV reality show which will be broadcast worldwide 24/7. We’ll be kings of the TV world and after 6 months, we have a syndication deal with 456 TV stations from Albania to Zanzibar, wherever the hell that is”.

The Joint Press release continued by posing the question Why? ; and then answering it.
“Did you see the photo of Vlad on horseback without his shirt”? Trump offered. “I was hooked on first sight. I’ve always said, love the one you’re with. We bonded immediately in Moscow when Vlad expressed his love for those gold ornate chairs that I had in my apartment…they were just like the ones Vlad had taken from the Hermitage to decorate his bedroom and powder room at his dacha in the country”.

Where will you live? was the next question and answer.

“We’re planning to divide our time between Washington and Moscow. Of course, we’ll have Vlad’s dacha retreat in the country and Mar a Lago in Florida to work on our winter tans and to go to the clubs in Miami Beach”.

If anyone has any other questions, please direct your questions to Kellyanne Conway.

Signed… Vlad and Donnie.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

                       WikiLeekZ                                                    
                                                     Not Related To the
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                       Satire Is Our Game, WikiLeekZ Is Our Name”
                                   http://wikileekz.blogspot.com/



January 8, 2017
Trump vis-à-vis Russia
Exclusive WikiLeekZ Exposé:

WikiLeekZ, has attempted, as many organizations have, to determine why the PEOTUS has been lauding Russia for months in preference to US officials, in general, and the intelligence agencies in particular. WikiLeekZ has recently engaged the services of a 'reporter' who has an uncle, whose former brother-in-law was the barber of a retired US intelligence officer. At this time, WikiLeekZ cannot divulge for which agency the barber's customer worked...for reasons that will soon become obvious.
Our 'reporter' believes that he overheard his uncle at the other end of a downtown bar explain to a fellow alcoholic about how Putin and Russia has the goods on Trump. Granted that this 'information' is 4th hand and from shadowy sources (bars are always dark-ish), WikiLeekZ feels that it must live up to its tag line..."Satire is our Game" and divulge what its 'reporter' has offered WikiLeekZ in the form of a smuggled report from the Foreign intelligence Service of Russia.

Our reporter traded 2 Rolling Rock beers for the following report...

REPORT....Foreign Intelligence Service of the Russian Federation...Top Secret...to be read only by top Comrades...
Subject: Donald J Trump
Father: Frederick Christ Trump
Mother: Mary Anne McLeod
Profession: TV host,Trump brander

The Foreign Intelligence Service maintains a number of important, valuable assets that will enable the Russian State to maintain economic,  political and personal control over the subject.
a).   The FISRF has loaned the subject more than (classified to the highest level) Billion Dollars US that it may call due at any time, effectively ruining the subject financially. His attempts at re-negotiating the loan have failed miserably, resulting in an increase of his debt to various Russian Oligarchs by more than ( classified to highest level...the highest) Million Dollars US.
b).  At the direction of our Leader, both the Moscow and St Petersburg Municipal Building Authorities have stalled the subject's plans for high rise apartments and commercial offices until such time as the subject fulfills his commitment to acknowledge the legal Russian takeover of Crimea and the legitimacy of the 'rebellion' in Eastern Ukraine.
b.2).  The subject must continue his public skepticism of the reality of Russian troops and Russian military aid to the rebels in E Ukraine.
c).   The FISRF continues to maintain color and B&W still and motion picture evidence of a highly personal and shocking nature obtained of the subject while he was visiting Moscow in November 2013 in regard to his Miss Universe-Russia Pageant. The images are deemed to be most probably certainly DJT 'cavorting' with three of the contestants and Fuzzy Bear.

This concludes the report of the Russian Foreign Intelligence Service re: DJT. Voluminous additional files can be found at DJT material@ (       ....ru).
The Foreign Intelligence Service also maintains complete incriminating files on all members of the Trump Family, including Barron, who was caught on video swinging his pet cat by the tail. NOTE: the cat seemed to like it and kept asking for more...so, this evidence may not be valuable w/o editing out the cat begging for more swings.
The FISRF will continue its spying activities on all of DJT activities in Russia, Scotland and the USA and is highly confident that the file of DJT will continue to increase. The interesting, salacious files of Melania Knauss(Trump) will now be a part of the DJT portfolio.

Endendendendendend of report on DJT……………………………Endendendendendend................
Zeny




Monday, January 2, 2017

                                                     
                       WikiLeekZ                                                    
                                                     Not Related To the
                                    TheONION      
                       Satire Is Our Game, WikiLeekZ Is Our Name”

January 2, 2017
TWITTER BANS PRESIDENT ELECT DONALD J TRUMP:

On New Years' Day, our TII, Tech Insider Informer, was leeked a highly secretive inter-office Tweet from Twitter HQ in San Francisco. The Tweet, which, in part, stated that beginning 19  Jan 2017, President Donald Trump will not be allowed to use Twitter as a platform of propaganda and misinformation. His current account or any other account he may initiate such as @iamthegreatezt or @buymysteakz will be banned. That goes for any second party ghost accounts as well.

WikiLeekZ has learned that Twitter has been losing thousands of Twitter users a week in protest to Trump's Tweeting of patently untrue statements which needlessly put the USA into dangerous international and domestic situations. In order to avoid a collapse of the company, Twitter has taken what it feels is its only recourse.

The confidential Tweet states that in the interest of national security and the ethical treatment of citizens, Trump will have to inform the citizenry of his prevarications by courier or carrier pigeon. Alternately, Twitter has suggested that his 10 year old son, Barron, could attempt to devise another platform to enable his Dad to continue lying without consequence to the nation. He knows a lot about computers, according to Trump.

When Informed today of the WikiLeekZ Twitter scoop, the president-elect was discovered by his Secret Service contingent lying in the fetal position on the gold shag rug at the foot of his bed clutching his gold-plated iPhone. No medical treatment was deemed necessary. Trump was heard quietly repeating…”I know a lot of things that others don’t know, why didn’t I know about this”?!


Zeny